The Psychology Of Seduction

How to make someone fall for you

So you’ve got your eye on someone. When it comes to impressing a potential date, don’t worry too much about witty anecdotes and a carefully chosen outfit.

According to Raj Persaud, there is one psychological trick that is guaranteed to make almost anyone fall in love with you: “Identify your target’s favourite emotion, then simply go out of your way to supply that emotion in quantities that person has never experienced before,” he says.

For example: how would you seduce a psychiatrist? Well, psychiatrists like to feel insightful, so if you met a psychiatrist and kept subtly responding to them in a way that led them to believe they were incredibly insightful, it’s highly likely they would develop a deep bond with you.

“Particularly if you make sure they always feel much more insightful in your company than in anyone else’s,” he adds.

You don’t have to be so crass as to keep complimenting them on how insightful they are, however. Instead, respond to them in such a way that they get a strong sense that their insights are amazing and constantly welcome.

Why being shy can help you get a date

When it comes to the dating game, being shy is not the dating handicap you might have thought it was – in fact, it can be a real bonus. “In numerous research groups, shyness in a person is usually rated as an extremely attractive personality trait,” says Persaud.

“The shy are often found more appealing than those who are socially assertive. So if you are shy, see your reticence as a part of you with which many other people can identify (almost 50 per cent of people rate themselves as shy in surveys). Your shyness can be something that connects you with others rather than distancing you from them.”

For a date with brains choose a hairy man

If you want an intelligent partner – seek out a man with body hair. A recent study conducted by psychiatrist Dr Aikarakudy Alias, who has been working on the relationship between body hair and intelligence for 22 years, showed that hairy chests are more likely to be found among the most intelligent and highly educated than in the general population. Excessive body hair could also mean higher intelligence.

Dr Alias’s research, which focused on medical students in the United States, showed that 45 per cent of male doctors in training were “very hairy”, compared with less than 10 per cent of men overall. In a region of southern India, research among medical and engineering students and manual labourers found that both groups of students had more body hair on average than the manual workers.

Further investigations showed that when academic ranking among students was examined, the hairier men got better grades. Taking this study one step further, Dr Alias studied 117 Mensa members (who have an IQ of at least 140) and found that this group tended to have thick body hair. Some of the most intelligent men were those with hair on their backs as well as on their chests.

Why cosmetic surgery can reduce your chances of finding love

Ever thought breast enhancement or a nose job might boost your chances of dating success? It won’t.

The issue of cosmetic surgery goes to the heart of one of the deepest dilemmas in relationships between men and women – the issue of truth, says Dr Persaud. Both sexes list honesty as being one of the most valued characteristics in a potential mate.

The psychological problem that has been found with cosmetic surgery is that there is something “not real” about a body after surgery. And if the body no longer appears real or genuine because of artificial enhancement, then there seems something dishonest about the person, too.

This explains male uneasiness about cosmetic surgery, because if a woman is not “real” in this aspect, how honest is she being about the rest of her appearance, or her life? And if a woman’s looks matter so much to her that she is willing to risk the scalpel and sacrifice truth on the altar of attraction, will her partner constantly have to tiptoe around this landmine of her appearance?

So, cosmetic surgery to a man often means added stress, and the extra tension of constantly wondering if he has reassured a woman enough about her looks, given how much work she has put into them. Men want women to look fabulous, but to achieve this effortlessly without having to labour at it.

Is this love?

You think you’ve met someone special – but you’re still have nagging doubts about whether this is the best relationship for you.

Psychological research into love has found that it is possible to predict which relationships are on firmer foundations from the answers partners give to the kinds of questions printed on the following page.

Results of tests similar to this have been found to be strongly indicative of the course of a relationship.

How to have great sex

Just as everyone has different tastes when it comes to food, the same applies to sex. You would not dream of going into a restaurant and simply letting other people choose your meal for you – but that is exactly how most people approach sex

There is no way of making love which is guaranteed to please everyone, just as there is no one meal which everyone likes. Also, even if you are served your favourite meal every day, the likelihood is that a change will add spice. But no changes will occur if they are not requested.

Not asking for what you want in bed is the number one reason for an unsatisfactory sex life. It is amazing the desperate consequences that can arise simply because most people are too embarrassed to ask their partner about their sexual preferences. Men may even resort to straying because they feel unable to ask for a particular sexual favour, when their partner might not have minded bestowing it at all – had she only been asked.

Women might complain that their husbands are “no good in bed”, and go off sex or have an affair, yet at no time do they let their partner know what they want. Another problem is that many people think the other person ought to know what they want, or that by dropping hints or using body language they have already conveyed clearly what they want, and been rebuffed. There really is no substitute for a frank conversation about sex.

Timing is all-important. Asking for what you really want just after sex, for instance, may sound like a dissatisfied complaint. Instead, bring the subject up when sex is not actually on the agenda. Also remember that sex is reciprocal: it is best to start the conversation off by asking what the other partner would like before pitching in with what you want.

Communication about sex works best when it is a form of trading, where both partners agree to changes. In other words, you will do something for your partner if he or she will do something for you. If you start talking about sex in a way that suggests it is only the other person who must make changes, then this is likely to result in defensiveness and hurt.

Many people object to talking about sex because they believe it ought to be spontaneous and natural, but sex can be spontaneous only when you and your partner can take part confidently, knowing what the other person likes. And you can only get to that stage by talking to each other.